All posts by mercedesfright

Never the Same

I always believed
Things could get better
No matter the hurt
No matter the pain
No matter how dark it seemed
It couldn’t rain forever
But then I met you
So haunted by your ghosts
So lost inside your mind
So covered in scars
You couldn’t fix yourself
I tried
I tried so hard to fix you
To put together your broken pieces
To mend the hurt
That so many others caused
But you wouldn’t let me
You told me I was too late
You told me it was your last hope

I always believed
Love could heal all wounds
No matter how deep
No matter how painful
No matter how deeply buried
But then I lost you
To the bitterness of this world

I lost you

Now my world
Will never be the same

Run.

the wind whispers
Run
pushing at my back
Go
Fast
Before Its Too Late
i feel my weight shift
preparing for my
flight

but i pause
my thoughts turn to
him
and slowly
my muscles relax
Wait
i whisper back
Not Yet

the wind quiets
aware of the battle
raging within
the clashing swords
of my love
and my freedom

i look around
the stars
so bright in the sky
reflect the snow
that falls so gently
i know what
i must do

I Can’t Leave Him
i say
the wind understands
Not Yet
it whispers

and we walk
together
hand in hand
waiting for the day
that finally
i can do as
my heart tells me

the day that
i can run

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☾Demons Are Haunting Me☽

Haunted
Day in, day out
Always alone
With the shadows

Tormented
Day in, day out
By possibilities
Unlikelihoods

Darkness
Day in, day out
Hidden behind a mask
Deep within

Secrets
Day in, day out
Never spoken
A heavy heart

Pain
Day in, day out
Never leaving
Always numb

The demons
Day in, day out
Always present
Persistent

Pretending
Day in, day out
Forever hiding
Behind a smile

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“When I Grow Up I’m Gonna Be…”

For my entire life my parents have told me that I can be whatever I want to be. “Nothing’s impossible,” they would say. They instilled in me an optimistic and hopeful view of the world.

But as I’ve grown, teachers and other adults, as well as my fellow students have told me what I have to do and when I have to do it. Almost everything in my life has been either approved or dissaproved of. Nothing however, more so than my education.

Education in our society is a mandatory part of our lives. I do not object to this. I think giving someone an education is one of the best things you can do for them. With that said, I also believe people put way too much importance on post secondary educations.

Everywhere I look in my school I see an advertisement for a college or university. Not a day goes by without my school’s bulletin containing some sort of information about a scholarship, or an open house for a secondary school. Even on the first day of school there were advertisements.

THE FIRST DAY.

We had ten months of school left and college was already being shoved down our throats.

Furthermore my family is starting to get on my case about where I want to go to school and what I want to do. My friends have told me that the same thing is happening to them as well. We’re in grade eleven and we have broken down and cried to each other about how we don’t know what we want to do with our lives. We’re expected to go to college the minute we graduate, whether we know our futures or not. I’m scared to death. I don’t want to think about work or moving out or getting a degree in something. I’m only sixteen. How do they expect me to know what I want to do for the next 50 years?

And that’s the thing. I don’t know. And I’m okay with that. As of right now, I don’t want to go to college. I have learned everything that I can possibly learn in a classroom. It’s time for me to go out and learn about the world. Not in a history class, not in an economy class, but in a van, on a highway, in a country that I’ve never been to.

Yet if I don’t go to college, I’ll never get a job. Not a well paying one anyway. I won’t be able to support a family. I won’t get the same opportunities as everyone else because I won’t have the same schools on a resume as someone else. In today’s world, it’s all about presentation. Your resume doesn’t have a good enough schooling record? You don’t get the job. It doesn’t matter if you’re smart enough for it. You won’t get it.

It’s completely unfair. What if someone can’t afford college? I know many people who are brilliant individuals but who’s families don’t have enough money to even pay for sports, let alone college. They won’t get a good job regardless if they would be a perfect fit for the occupation or not.

Take Steve Jobs for example. He started going to college, but he dropped out because it was draining his parents bank account. He then proceeded to create Apple, a multi billion dollar corporation who redefined and reinvented technology.

I’ll just let that sink in.

No college degree, but he’s a genius.

And yes he was a genius. But how many other people out there do you think are just as smart and just as capable of great things who aren’t getting the opportunity to realize their full potential just because they didn’t go to college?

My bet? A lot.

There are so many things that one can learn by being out in the world. You can learn what you’re passionate about. You can learn a language, a way of life. You can learn things that you never would have learned behind a desk in college. You can learn things that could make you an asset to a company. Or a leader who can change a country. Or a journalist with a very different view on the world.

You can be anything, with or without a college degree.

Yet our society doesn’t allow this to be reality. Having a college degree in something that could potentially be of no use to us is top priority.

And those without it? Left behind and barely making it by.

What I’m trying to get at is that, yes education is important, but only to an extent. There’s only so much that can be learned behind a desk.

So here’s to the indecisive who have yet to realize their full potential.

-Mercedes, spiritofagypsy

Young & Free

Summer is a time of exploration. Its a time of chance, a time of risk, and a time of discovery. For teenagers, summer is two months of the most freedom had all year. No schedules to make time for and no rules to obey. The only clock needed is the sun and the only thing they really need to listen to is their heart. Sure parents make rules, but when you’re young, those rules are just obstacles. Bending or breaking the rules, overcoming those obstacles, it’s part of the fun.

This sort of freedom however is what gets teenagers into trouble. There’s this stereotype out there that teenagers, especially of this generation, are “hooligans”.

Yes. Hooligans.

I mean, I have even caught myself starting to believe it. And I’m a teenager!

This summer I have experienced this so called freedom first hand however and now I know that stereotype could not be more wrong. Teenagers aren’t bored. That’s not why they do it. They do it because its fun. It’s exhilarating. For the most part teenagers have been stuck in the same routine all their lives, at least my friends and I have, and this freedom is a way to let go and go on an adventure.

Now I’m not saying that I’m gonna go out and do drugs or get drunk. That’s not an adventure. Thats what people who are sad do. They want to escape their lives.

I’m talking about sneaking out and going for a night bike ride. Having a mud fight and then lying to your parents about it so you don’t get in trouble. I’m talking about an actual adventure where you learn and explore and enjoy life as a youth.

We want to enjoy living carefree before we’re thrown into the adult world.

Many people don’t understand that. Most adults don’t remember what it’s like. It’s as if once you’re an adult, you’re so focused on accumulating more that you forget about the simpler pleasures in life. And it’s these simpler pleasures that we teenagers are after. Love, friendship, food, but mostly adventure.

Summer brings us these pleasures and gives us the freedom to enjoy them. Whether permitted or not.

Now school will be starting pretty quick here and not long after that snow will cover the ground. The chance of seeing a teenager being a “hooligan” when its below 40 is quite slim. 10 months from now however, that freedom will be renewed.

Until then, here’s to the young and free.

-Mercedes, spiritofagypsy

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